Men Are So Visual - Communication

So just like anyone else we have peaks and ruts, and sometimes those ruts become valleys.  We work on sex all the time, and even in our vigilance we wind up in our 'safe', 'regular' and 'easy' routine when we're not watching.  It happens even to guys like us who will go a month straight with a different kink every day, so I know it happens to everyone.  Well one of the best things about Jackies and my relationship is that we can talk to the other person when we see this happening.  Honestly it generally starts out with a letter from one of us to the other.  We're not trying to be confrontational, we're trying to be informative.  "Hey babe, have you notice our sex is sucking lately? I know we have a lot on the plate, and I'm not pulling my end either, so can we work on it?" Ok, not the letter I sent, but honestly that's what it boiled down to this week.

Well after talking it through and talking about some of the underlying issues we both were facing, we both agreed that we needed to get this back as a priority.  It helps both of us.  Self esteem.  Our relationship.  Remembering that we're a couple/team, and we'll get through any of this.  That intimacy is necessary for our success.

If you haven't noticed, I love being nude, I love Jackie being nude, I love nudity.  When I met Jackie she would put something on even if we were the only 2 in the house.  Last night after our kid went to bed Jackie was nude and in her Lazy-Boy in the living room.  She's come a long way and I love it.  I love watching my wife move around nude, and would hide everything in her closet so she'd have to stay that way if I could get away with it.  I love the site of flesh.  BUT with all that said I don't know a man alive who doesn't appreciate the effort when a woman tries to 'dress for the occasion'.  Jackie has lots of sexy attire, Teddys, panty and bra combinations, dresses that look hot on her, etc, etc..  But she doesn't wear them because, 'you're just going to rip them off and I'll be naked'.  *sigh*  She's right to some extent.  The visual when she does something sexy like that is such a turn on I have a hard time (ok, maybe some pun intended) not just ripping them off, tossing her on the bed and having my way with her.  But the point is she did look that sexy that drove me nuts to get me to that point, I can't help it if my accelerator gets stuck wide open when I see her all seXXXy and I know it's because she's trying to turn me on.  It works!!  

Trust me, I know it's effort, but isn't that part of the deal?  We all have to put forth effort to make our relationships work. 

So this week Jackie went to work.  She got herself ready while I was gone to work, and started sending pictures.  Oh my!!!  The stocking picture alone had me ready to get home as quick as I could.  And when I got home there was this beautiful woman laying on our bed all HOT and seXXXy and waiting to be attacked.  I took me a few minutes to take in the entire package that laid there to be unwrapped. I even had the presence of mind to take a few pictures before we got into it to far.  OMG, from head to toe she was hot, and she did all that for me. She was wearing high heel black shoes which she never wears, ever.  Stockings, silky and tigh high.  Matching panties.  A black corset that she managed to get in by herself.  Talk about climbing out of a rut quickly.

Jackie went right for the jugglers in a way she knows works, because she knows men are visual creatures, and she knows what I like.  It was very hot, and more than I was hoping for. I on the other hand used ever ounce of control not to rip them right off and take her right then.  The sex was fantastic. Both times.

So the moral of the story?  First as always communication is key to everything.  If you can't talk to each other I don't know what you really have.  If you get defensive when your partner is just trying to point out that there is an issue, there is a problem.  You have to be able to work through things.  You have to be able to talk and agree to make things better.  You have to be able to get through what happened back when so that today can work for you as a couple, and move up out of those ruts.  Jackie didn't get mad when I sent her that letter.  She took it for what it was intended, "we" needed (that's both of us) to work on this issue.  She took the first step in that decision and what a hell of a first step.

Second, just because we like something doesn't mean we don't appreciate a break from it.  Like I said, I LOVE nudity, but I love that Jackie took the time to look extra hot for me. Bottom line men are visual creatures and something like this works for us.

In a rut?  Talk to your significant other,let them know you've noticed and ready to do something about it with them.  Oh and while you're at it, it's October already, so start thinking about themes for Sexuary coming up. No seriously have fun and start planning for Sexuary.  Make it so special that the planning up to it will be just as much fun as the getting there.  That will help keep those ruts our of your bed and sex life.

Dane

Nude Beach - Hippie Hollow

So this weekend Jackie and I were invited to "Another Birthday in the Buff" at Hippie Hollow in Austin.  Now before I go much further you need to know a couple of things.

1) I'm a nudist anyway.  If the kids are gone I'm naked.  I've been that way since high school where I was always the first one with my cloths off and in the lake. If you come over unannounced to my house and there are no kids here, you're liable to find us naked.  I love the feeling of being naked and it doesn't matter if it's inside or outside I'm good with it.
2) Jackie and I have considered going to other nude establishments, particularly River Ranch in San Antonio.  Had the staff been a bit more polite when we called we might of been hanging out there 2 years ago.
3) Jackie is a typical woman who doesn't see all the beauty I see in her nakedness, but has come a LONG ways over the last 8 or 9 years.  She now enjoys being naked when the kids are away from home too.  This is huge from when I first met her. But she still worries about being naked around other people.

But invitations were received and much to my surprise Jackie said she'd seriously think about it.  A friend of hers whom she mentioned the bash too encouraged her, and told her she and her husband use to go all the time to Hippie Hollow, and that we should go.  So with Jackie on board we were set and off we went.  The only down side was we had previously committed to something back home (over an hour and a half away) for 6, so we wouldn't get to stay for the whole party, or for that matter very long.

Mother Nature provided a beautiful day for the bash, and after making our way down the rocky, hilly trail we met up with the birthday girl and some of her friends.  It took me about 2 minutes, only because I was helping set things up, for me to be naked and enjoying myself.  Ahhhh wind blowing through my....ahhh...legs, and arms, and everything else dangling around. I'd say hair, but there's just not enough there to blow through anymore.

Of course we took precautions and sprayed down with suntan lotion.  Hey, some of those parts rarely see sun and there was no reason to be burnt there later.  With a beer in hand we headed down to the water and while it was cool to get in, you quickly warmed up.

Now Jackie wasn't quite as adventurous.  She did get a bit skimpy with her top and bottoms but wasn't ready for the whole naked experience.

And bam, before we knew it, it was time to leave. With sad faces saying hello/goodbye to everyone just showing up we packed up and headed home. Even with all that I got 90 minutes or so of hanging out a-la-natural and was pretty happy. 

So Sunday morning I made the comment that I wish we lived closer to the beach, I'd love to dig my feet into the sand.  The swim in the lake just put that in me and I wanted more water time. I figured sometime that day we'd go to the pool and enjoy some water.  Well Jackie, much to my surprise, suggest we head back to Hippie Hollow.  When I finished the chore I was doing I asked her if she was serious, and told her I really wasn't suggesting that but would be ok if we went.  She was and we did. 

We took 1/2 the stuff we took the day before.  I'm really not sure how some of the folks get all that gear down the hill.  They should rent pack mules to help people out.  But with only the essentials we found a good spot, and we settled down and the cloths just fell off.  This time Jackie was topless so I made sure she was well lotioned so nothing would burn. We spent about 3 1/2 hours in and out of the water.  During that time we made some observations:

1) There were all kinds there.  I think every age from 18 - 80 were represented.  Additionally there were skinny and plump, tall and short, shaved, trimmed, and all natural men and women.  There were couples and singles.
2) While clothing is optional we saw it all.  Most are nude or close to it.  Almost all the men I'd say were nude.  About 60% the women were nude, give or take a bit.  Those that weren't nude for the most part wore bottoms and went topless.  But even with all that there were those with more on.  There were some that were in bra and panties.  There were some with shirts and bottoms on.  And regardless of what you wore everyone seemed to be treated respectfully.  Nobody was ridiculed for what they did or didn't wear, being fat and naked or in a 2 piece that would be whispered about as you walked on most public beaches.  These were real people just chilling out and having fun.
3) This group was friendly.  On Saturday we only knew 1 person to start with, the birthday girl.  But within minutes were were friends with everyone talking about Sexuary and our fetish list.  On Sunday we had a group just start talking to us and chatting away.  I guess when there's nothing to be pretentious about we're just all equal....naked...and in the water.  So it was a very friendly group.

And while I'd be lying if I said we didn't notice some of the attractions (both male and female) that were there, it really wasn't about sex.  We weren't picking up someone from here.  We weren't checking out some gal/guy to bring home with us.  We admired some beautiful bodies, some great tattoos, and even made note of some tan lines that were obviously missing.

I also made note of some pretty cool floating devices and the different ways people carried all their gear down the hillside for the day.

I think Jackie felt better about herself when it was all said and done, and me? I got to spend a weekend with Jackie and her body which I love to death, and to the fortune of others I'm sure there were a couple of guys/gals who got a good look at her too, lucky devils they were.  And it was a weekend outside naked which I'll take anytime.    

Dane

PS - Didn't do anything for my birthday this year, and since it's in the early spring (not the best time for this type of activity) we were thinking about a 1/2 year birthday bash for me in September.  It was Jackies idea, so who knows what might happen.


Jackie here, its been crazy around here lately.  We really needed an adult get away, so when the invitation came across, while I wasn't suprised on getting invited I was more suprised at my even thinking about it.  I am more comfortable getting naked around Dane and really like the "exhibitionist" side of me.  To go out and be naked knowingly infront of people when I wasn't sure there was enough liquid encouragement out there.  So here we were invited to a naked birthday party...A NAKED birthday party...My first reaction was er ummmm well this is my kids teacher...do I really want them to see me naked? Do I want to cross that line...I mean come on, when you get naked in front of someone it kinda takes the relationship to a different level...Would I be able to see these people in public knowing they have seen my tits and pussy? I just wasn't ready for that.... So I agreed to think about it...I wasn't sure about it.  I talked to another good friend about it, she really pumped my spirit up about it, heck she is a very conservative person and for her to say she used to go, totally blew my mind, so I agreed.  I was not sure how naked I would get though, I went through my closet and was prepared to just wear my bathing suit bottoms and a bra. Saturday afternoon came, I couldn't find the bra so I settled on my bathing suit. So off we went. I was so nervous...How do I look at person, how do I act, damn I don't wanna gawk at the nakedness around me..I had over an hour to think about it. An hour is a make it or break amount of time.  I had about decided to lose the shirt but once there and all I saw were little bodies with perky little boobs, I wasn't sure anyone would want to see, me a plus size woman with saggy boobs, so I decided to leave the swim suit on.  I did at least pull straps down but that was it.  I was fine with myself and even being there was a HUGE step for me. On saturday we had to leave early for another get together so we headed out after about 2 hours.

Sunday rolled around and Dane made the comment that he wished we lived closer to the lake.  I agreed then suggested going back to Hippy Hollow. I think he was pretty surprised when I made the suggestion.  He knew we had a good time but he was surprised that I said lets go again! So this time we loaded up lightly, and I decided if I was going to do it this would be the day, so to prepare myself I didn't even wear a swimsuit, I just wore a tshirt, no bra, and my swimsuit bottoms.  WE got there and I bit the bullet, I took my shirt off and had Dane spray me down, wouldn't want burn.
We spent most of the afternoon there, drinking a few, enjoying each others company, getting used to being around naked bodies.  I still have to go to there a few more times before I am totally comfortable, but I can't wait to go again.  It was a lot of fun, and can't wait for more memories..
Jackie

10000 Views and Review of OurSexuary Blog

Well today was a benchmark day for our blog.  While this blog was never about the number of views we got, it's pretty cool when something you are doing is being enjoyed by so many.  Today we hit over 10,000 visitors.  Thanks for everyone who reads our blog and especially those who have subscribed to it.  We've tried to make it an honest and open discussion on our sexual encounters, especially those things that might fall well into the kink zone by 'normal' standards. 

So what have we seen? 

First of all the anal post are a hit.  Combined the Anal Fisting post on November 14, 2013 is the most popular, with Anal, Fisting, Toys (Day 3) and Anal, Dildos, Fisting all in the top 5 most viewed blogs.  Guess my ass getting reamed and how we've accomplished it was more interesting than I thought it would be. Since then we've gone bigger and I can honestly say a fist is by no means the biggest things Jackie has put in my ass.  

 

The Dildo on the far left is Jackies strap-on, almost as big as the fist dildo.  The second one over...now that's a monster. This Deep Dickin Derek 12 Inch Dildo has a head stretches my ass more than any other thing ever has.  Over 3" across and over 2 lbs of 'cock' feels amazing as Jackie abuses my poor ass.  The black Doc Johnson Anal Plug is also 3" across at the base and is not going to just slip out of any ass.   The rest...well those are either warm ups or just for funs. Though I have to say Jackie has gotten pretty damn good using that paddle on me. She can make my ass sting all day with her swats.  Hurts so good!!!  (for reference the toys are laying on a full size ironing board).

So what else are people interested in?  Swingers Club / Couple Swap is also in the top 5.  It was a less than stellar night for us in our first couple / couple swap.  But it was an honest accounting of the nights events and the emotions that we went through that night.

Last on the top 5?  The Calendar and Fetish List, it was basically what started the blog.  Our 28 days of kinky sexperiment for Sexuary was a challenge to select.  The list of kinks was almost overwhelming, and then to narrow it down to 28 different things to try?  It was daunting.  But we did it and Sexuary was on!!! Not our first Sexuary, but definitely our most challenging.  If you want to know about different kinks this list is as complete a list of kinks as I've ever seen.  We combined several list to cum (pun intended here) with one big kinky list.

So keep sharing our links, giving us feedback, asking questions.  We'll be honest about anything we've tried sexual, and without a doubt we've done a heck of a lot more than most...for good and bad. We've learned not to judge for someones kink, though not all kinks are for us.  But even the ones not for us doesn't mean we can't appreciate them, or understand most of them (though some are a bit beyond our understanding).

Thanks for the 10,000 visits!!!

Dane

Using Imagination

So there are something that I like the idea of but know will never happen.  I love the idea of tattoos, but don't see it happening on me.  Now Jackie has several, so it's not an anti-tattoo thing, it's a personal thing.  I would love to see some intimate piercings for Jackie, but don't really see that happening (though it could).  The idea of a dog involved in our sexcapeds intrigues both Jackie and I.  But I never see us getting to that point.  Those are just a few examples of things we've pillow talked about but haven't and probably won't act upon them.  But that doesn't mean we ignore them. 

One of the things we've learned is that our imagination is the best aphrodisiac there is.  We can pretend to do things and sometime improvise so that we have the sensations of without actually 'going there' and yet our minds will let us pretend it's so.

For example, there are dildos that will 'blow up' inside of you that will act like a dogs knot.  Non piercing nipple rings allow Jackie to go out on the town with dangling jewelry on her nipples.    Fake tattoos allow me to be a 'bad boy' for the evening.  Most of these things take planning on your part to make them happen.  But when you've not done your homework there is still the power of suggestion. 

With eyes closed and your partner 'walking your through' something you can feel those sensations just as if they were happening.  Allow your imagination run wild and you get the sexual satisfaction from the talking your partner is doing. 

And if you're alone, then you can be with anyone or anything if you'll allow your mind to open up and accept it.  Maybe you're tapping your ass with a finger as you feel someone take you there.  Maybe your wet hands are that blow job from the girl next door....just let your imagination run wild. 

Dane

Touching

So this Sexuary Jackie and I have talked about a few things.  Because of family health issues Jackie will only be around about 1/2 the month, so Sexuary 2014 will not be repeated, and no 28 days of kink that Sexuary 2013 was.  So we've struggled a bit with what to do.  The theme from www.welcometomybrain.net is "me" which has been a bit more appropriate than expected with Jackie being gone taking care of her mom.

But we have talked, and in our discussions Jackie wanted more 'touch' days.  Last year we did a scene where I blindfolded Jackie and then used her sense of touch to create a very erotic scene (read here).  It was a very good scene for us and one we've repeated with variations several times over the year.  That sense of touch is very powerful, especially when it's unexpected. 

So one of the things Jackie and I will be working on this month is touching.  Different places..... different textures...... different temperatures....... different positions while touching ...all working on the sensation that just allows you to feel. 

For the first day of Sexuary I happened to be up with her.  The kids were gone so I made the trip and got us a hotel room.  When coming out of the shower I noticed the bottle of lotion.  I snagged it and brought it to the bed without her noticing it.  So when we started playing I used it to give her a mini massage.  When I went to enter her I went a way I rarely go and it gave a different feeling for both of us.  By the spot in the bed and the muffled screams from Jackie I'd say it was a success. 

Oh I have plans for several other days of touching this month.  Pieces of soft material, ice, candles, clothes pins, maybe even a paddle or two.  All very different sensations, all very happy results when it comes to our bedroom.  But most take a few minutes of planning to pull them off.  I know Jackie deserves that from me, doesn't your partner deserve that from you?

Hope Sexuary is going well for you!  Do something different.  Do something out of your box.  Do something that will surprise the hell out of your partner and make a memory.

Dane

PS - for me, I've purchased a few toys that I can't wait for Jackie to use on me. Oh my shuddering just thinking about them. 

One for "Me"

So as we start out Sexuary I want to put out there one of the 'me' things that I've come to grips with.  I'm male, and I love anal.  Yes I love giving anal, and the feel of taking Jackie for a 'backyard BBQ' will send me over the top every time, but that's not what I'm talking about.  I've allowed myself to admit that having something up my ass is ....exhilarating....breath taking...multi-orgasmic....unfucking believable.

Over the last year or so I've over come the negatives of a man wanting something anal.  Let's face it, most guys would just tell you they're not 'gay' and 'don't touch my ass, that's gay'.  HA! The joke is on them.  They have no clue what it means to have their prostate rubbed from the inside.

I don't remember exactly how it started with Jackie and I.  I know I've always had some interest in anal play, but normally I left that for me getting to claim the woman.  But I remember once while Jackie was playing she hit my perineum (that little pea size ball between your sack and the base of your cock) and I came so hard it wasn't even funny.  I'd never experienced anything like that.  It wasn't long after that we were playing and she fingered my ass and found my prostate for the first time.  I think it's the first time I've ever said that was enough.  I had multiple orgasms that were so intense I thought I was going to pass out if she didn't stop.  I was sold on anal play from that moment on.  But there was still a naggling tug that it wasn't right.  It was wrong for me to like anal.

So last Sexuary we went to an extreme.  If possible, and honestly after a couple of test runs we honestly weren't sure, I wanted to be fisted.  We had purchased a life size hand dildo and an anal plug that was every bit as round as the hand but had never gotten either of them inside of me.  During Sexuary I was determined that if it could happen I was going to feel that fullness from fisting.  Jackie said I had to mentally let go first.  I'm not sure how much of that is true, but she's probably right, mentally I had to let that hand slip into my ass before it would physically go in.

Almost every day for a week Jackie attempted to fist me...then on that wonderful day it made it past the barriers and I was once again in heaven.  It was heaven, with the added benefit of afterwards for hours my whole body had a calm, peaceful, unbelievable feeling of tranquility.  It took us a couple more months and Jackie was actually able to get her fist (definitely a bit larger than the dildo, though not toooo much), inside of me.  A real fisting with a real hand.  A new level reached.  A new level of peace.

So where am I going here?  Well it's about 'me'.  You see if I listened to everyone else I probably never would of tried all the anal I have.  Without it I never would have had the best orgasms of my life!  Nothing has ever made me cum harder or more often than anal.  I've been blessed to have a wife that will indulge me in my 'kink'.  It's not her thing, but she knows that I need things and this is one she does for 'me'.  Ok, I think it's a bit more her thing now then when we started, but it will never be 'her' thing.

So what's your thing?  What is that one thing you have wanted for yourself that maybe you were afraid to ask about?  Or something you like but never get?  It doesn't have to be sexual, maybe it's an hour to yourself to meditate or work out at the gym.  Maybe it's a book you've always wanted to read.  For me, it's some fun sex things. ;) Why would those other things be part of Sexuary?  If you can't feel good about yourself, if you can't do the things you want, if you can't be happy where you are, then there is no way you can be happy with a mate, with your children, with yourself. I know I'm more relaxed and more satisfied now that I've allowed myself this. 

Dane

PS, want more on Sexuary 2014?  Head to www.welcometomybrain.net

Sexuary 2014

So the start to Sexuary 2014 is here.  It's to be the last official Sexuary for welcometomybrain.net and Christine has posted the theme and thoughts for this years Sexuary.  You can read her blog post here.

I'm struggling here a bit to be honest.  I've been thinking about it.  "me" is where I started my sexual journey as most young boys do.  "me" is the selfishness inside that says "hey, what about me?" "me" is the thing I've tried to let go of over the last 10 years as Jackie and I have struggled through the ups and downs of our relationship, especially our sex lives.  There is no doubt even though I'm almost 10 years senior to Jackie, my sexuality is far more open, for more outreaching, and honestly can be far more selfish than hers.  My kinko meter barely registers when hers is off the scale.  My sexual wants are 100x what hers is.  I would say I was born 10 years to late, but not even the 60's would fit me properly.  Maybe I was born 20-30 years to early, ahead of the times with some of the things that reel me in and turn me on. 

And don't get me wrong, Jackie is no prude.  Hell a 'normal' wife would of just called me a pervert and kicked me out.  Anyone reading this blog knows that what Jackie and I have done just over the last year is more that most couples would do in a lifetime together, and that's just what we've told you about.

And yet...........

......There is parts of me that I have boxed up, strapped with duct tape, bound with chains and thrown away the keys to keep sanity at hand.  Oh they are there.  I hear them pounding in the cellars deep below.  They echo up the stairwell calling out to be release at times.  Periodically I let Jackie glimpse into the cellar, though rarely does the corner of a box get opened.  She knows those boxes lay down there, it's not a secret, but still  I do my best to ignore them.

When life gets in the way, selfishness of 'me' comes boiling up and screams in my head.  It happens.  Just this month due to circumstance well beyond anyone's control it has been screaming.  Oh the arguments they scream.  It's even easy to believe them at times.  

And again.....

.....I've learned that there HAS to be 'me' in or there can not be an 'us'.  While the sum of the 2 can far out 'be' what the individual parts can 'be', when the individuals are on full power....and while one of a pair can sometimes pull the other out of a funk, remind them when their self vision is being clouded by life or the current situation...nothing but nothing can cure 'me' like me!  If I don't take care of myself, physically, mentally, and even making sure my sexual needs are met, there is no way I can be healthy. 

I've learned that sometimes I need time to myself.  Sometimes that's not just a couple of hours, but a couple of days.  And it's ok to need and take that time. 

I've learned that I can ask Jackie to consider to go through the dusty boxes and find something she'd be willing to consider, just because 'me' needs some special care. Those boxes are who I am, and THAT'S OK! Jackie can always say no, though more than likely she'll just alter it enough to be comfortable if she needs to, but even she's come to realize that is who I am, and it's ok to be me! 

I've learned that if my BP is 180/100 or my blood sugar is 380 then I can't be my best at anything.  And that while 'working out' isn't my thing, the benefits of just 3 days a week on a treadmill is me showing love for myself as my BP drops to 120/80 and my blood sugar drops to 110.  It's a love that 'me' can only give myself.  No one else can give it to me.

So what's my goals for Sexuary 2014, the year of 'me'?  I don't know to be honest.  I've spent a lot of time on 'me' over the years, so I'll have to dig deep to come up with something. I've still got a week left, so I'm sure I'll figure out something, but it's going to be a bit of a struggle..after all when you talk about 'me' you have to be honest with yourself or you're just blowing smoke up everyone's (and your own) ass.  Which might be ok if that's your kink, but thinking for Sexuary it's not exactly what was intended.  Stay tuned ...answers to come.

Dane